So today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and it’s been a whole year since I wrote my first post “Breaking the Taboo of Miscarriage – Our Story” and opened up to you all about the miscarriage we had in August last year. A huge amount has happened in this last year and we have been incredibly lucky to welcome our healthy little rainbow baby into the world in June (as you all know!!). But for the last week or so when I have been seeing lots of blog posts and website articles about raising awareness of pregnancy and infant loss its had me thinking back to the difficult time we went through last year, how we have coped with our miscarriage since then and also just how lucky we are to be parents now.
So here are some fact about pregnancy loss:
- 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage
- 75% of these occur in the first trimester (4-12 weeks)
- Approximately 1 out of every 100 women in the UK will experience recurring miscarriages
I still very much stand by what I said in my post last year that miscarriage really shouldn’t be a taboo subject. It is simply such a common occurrence and effects so many peoples lives that it needs to be discussed more in public and people should be educated more on the subject of miscarriage. Before I got pregnant I never thought it would be something I would face, I’m healthy, young and had no family history of pregnancy loss, so simply though ‘it won’t happen to me’. Had I know 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and that many friends and family had also suffered them, I can’t say I would have been more prepared, as I don’t think anything can prepare you for losing a baby, but I may have been able to deal with it a little better, I may have understood it better when it happened. I also would have felt more able to talk to people about it and about how I was truly feeling.
Luckily I was able to get pregnant again straight after, with no complications and a year on we now have our beautiful son Elian who is almost 4 months old. But I know so many women are not so lucky and sadly go on to have recurring miscarriages or simply are unable to get pregnant. I think having our miscarriage made us even more sure that we were ready and wanted to be parents more than anything in the world, it was what made me decide to leave my job in Cardiff and come on board full time with Cross-Jones Photography, we understood what was important in life and decided that we would strive for our dream of running our own business.
The major difficult I had after the miscarriage was the fear it would happen again. For over half of my pregnancy I was a nervous wreck, constantly worried something would happen to our little bean. Ever appointment, scan and test would have me on edge totally terrified that it would be bad news, it did take a lot of the fun out of being pregnant at the start. But once I passed the 20 week mark I knew I was in safer territory, I knew things could still go wrong but the chances were far smaller. I think the miscarriage also made me appreciate being pregnant a little more, I cherished my bump, adored every kick and wiggle, but also took the hard stuff, the aches and pains, the nausea, the tiredness, the acid reflux in my stride, I was simply so happy to be pregnant I really didn’t let anything bother me as I knew it meant my little bean was still in there safe and growing.
And that went for my labour too in the end. I still haven’t been able to write my birth story as so much happened and it didn’t go to plan at all, but I still remained calm and went with the flow through most of it because I knew the outcome was my little boy, who was simply so wanted by me and Jon that I would do anything to get him into the world safely. Lets say my brith was what most people would deem as traumatic, but I really don’t feel that way about it, and most people think I am insane in saying I would do it all again tomorrow! Losing our first baby really does make us appreciate being parents and our little dude just that little bit more, because we know and understand that there was every chance we may not have been able to have him.
So here are a few truths I have learnt about coping and moving on from a miscarriage over the last year
- It does get easier – at the time I really didn’t think it would but I promise you it does. The pain gets easier and eventually it does fade away (for 99% of the time) It will take time, and you really need to allow yourself the time to grieve and heal so you are able to move on.
- Your never going to forget…but others will – You can’t really expect others to remember things that didn’t happen to them directly, but it is something you are never going to forget no matter how hard you try. You will always have lost a baby and that is always going to stay with you, but you will learn to think about it less.
- You’ll still have bad days – I know thats hard to hear, but sadly there will be hard days, that 1%! For me the hardest day was my due date, our baby would have been due on the 29th March and as much as I didn’t want to think about that day I simply couldn’t help it. Jon hadn’t remembered our due date, but helped me get through the day once he knew why I had been off some of the day. Luckily I was already 6 months pregnant with little dude and that really did help me a little, knowing that we would be parents soon helped me get through that day. Then there was the day I had the miscarriage, 15th August, I was worried how I would feel on that day, but Elian was already here and I simply held him a little bit closer and cherished the fact that a year on I was holding my baby, and if I hadnt had my miscarriage I would never have had him, and he’s perfect!
So today I will be thinking of our little baby that never had the chance to live in this world, but being incredibly thankful of our perfect little rainbow baby, and saying a pray for all the other mums and dads out there coping with miscarriage, pregnancy issues and infant loss. It really is the hardest pain in the world to get over but you are strong enough to get past it. I really hope my posts have help just one parent to get through this hard time in their life. If anyone would like to talk to me about how miscarriage or infant loss has effected them please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or message me via Facebook or Twitter, I would be more than happy to talk!